you don't wanna forget
25 things you
should have learned by the time you have reached middle age
- If you're too open-minded,
your brains will fall out.
- Don't worry about what
people think, they don't do it very often.
- Going to church doesn't
make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you
- It ain't the jeans that
make your butt look fat.
- Artificial intelligence
is no match for natural stupidity.
- My idea of housework is
to sweep the room with a glance.
- Not one shred of evidence
supports the notion that life is serious.
- It is easier to get forgiveness
- For every action, there
is an equal and opposite government program.
- If you look like your passport
picture, you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the
mail at twice the speed of checks.
- A conscience is what hurts
when all of your other parts feel so good.
- Eat well, stay fit, die
- Men are from earth. Women
are from earth. Deal with it.
- No one has ever been shot
while doing the dishes.
- A balanced diet is a cookie
in each hand.
- Middle age is when broadness
of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
- Opportunities always look
bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you've
kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- There is always one more
imbecile than you counted on.
- Experience is a wonderful
thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you can make
ends meet, they move the ends.
- When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
- Someone who thinks logically
provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- If you must choose between
two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
A few more goodies...
- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
- Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty
- After all this is over, all that will really have mattered is how
we treated each other.
- Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else..
- Don’t approve of political jokes; too many of them are already
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- To avoid hating yourself in the morning--sleep 'till noon.
I don't know the origins of
these, but whoever wrote them, thank you so very much! ;-)